Game over

By Hugo Kornelis on October 27, 2026

(Warning: This blog post is non-technical but purely personal. In my leukemia diary, I write openly about my current health issues. This blog might be triggering for people who struggle with, or lost dear ones to, cancer and other similar diseases.)

I have to write this blog, I have been putting it off for too long now. The past days, I kept finding excuses not to write it just yet. But I’m out of excuses now. I need to write this.

A week ago, October 19, I went to hospital again. One of many visits, except for two things. One is that there would once more be a bone marrow puncture to assess where we are, this time after the second period of the experimental drug. And the other difference is that I had been feeling worse day by the day since a few days already. With how I felt, I dreaded the bone marrow puncture – or rather the results of it.

Quick results

If often takes a few days before bone marrow puncture results are in. Perhaps once or twice, I had the results the next day. But most of the times, I had to wait longer.

So I was surprised to receive a phone call from my hematologist that very evening already.

The call was for bad news. Over a period of just three weeks, right through the experimental treatment, the percentage of blast cells in my bone marrow had gone up from 7% to 60%.

This means that the experimental treatment is now over. Continuing this treatment would be a waste of my time and energy, and a waste of the hospital’s resources. It is very clear that this drug is not able to combat my leukemia.

It also means that there are no other meaningful treatments left. I already exhausted all the common and a few less common treatments. None of them were able to conquer the recurrent leukemia. Returning to them now would lower the quality of my remaining life, without giving me any realistic chance of recovery,

A recurrent leukemia is always bad news. The odds of a second time survival are significantly lower than for a first-time leukemia. And even though, over the past months, I have surprised the doctors a few times, I have not been able to beat this statistic.

New phase

Medical treatment has not stopped. But the goalposts have shifted. Nobody is trying to cure me anymore. Nobody is worried about long-term consequences of whatever they give me. The goal is to keep me alive as long as it’s a live worth living. I will receive blood platelets and whole blood transfusion if and when needed. I am already on various strong pain killers to reduce the pains that are popping up everywhere now. And I still get several drugs to try to minimize the odds of an infection.

How long will this phase last? I don’t know. I don’t think anybody knows. But eventually, something will go wrong. I might get an infection. Or an inflammation. Or a bleeding that doesn’t stop and goes too fast for the doctors to stem. Or, who knows, perhaps I will one day just tell my wife that I am really getting too tired now, go to sleep, and not wake up again.

Until that day, I’ll make the best of the time I still have left. Several people close to me have visited last week, more will visit later. My wife, kids, their partners, and me have had some good conversations, and I trust there will be more. And within the energy I still have left, I have been working on my projects.

My projects

During the past years, I have spent huge amounts of my time on two main projects: the SQL Server Execution Plan Reference, and the SQLServerFast Execution Plan Video Training.

The Execution Plan Reference is a completely free reference, documenting all execution plan operators and some other things related to execution plans. Due to the nature of the project, it will never be fully finished. But as of October 14, I can say that all currently known (to me) operators are documented. Until Microsoft releases new functionality, no new pages will be needed. So I did manage to complete that milestone.

The Execution Plan Video Training is a comprehensive set of training videos. Once completed, it would teach the viewer everything about execution plans in SQL Server, starting at the basics but extending all the way to the most advanced level. I achieved a significant milestone here as well. On October 19, literally just hours before I heard the bad news, I added the advanced level of block 6 to the available courses, and also pushed an update to include all SQL Server 2025 improvements in older videos. (Read here for the details).

I will not be able to finish blocks 4, 5, and 7. That makes me very sad, because I think those would have become amazing videos as well. But that does not mean that this is a failure. Blocks 1, 2, 3, and 6 are all available. If you want to watch it all in one go, better take some food and drinks with you – it’s over 27 hours and 45 minutes of content. So it’s probably better to take your time and only watch a half-hour or an hour every now and then.

Legacy preserved

During the past months, I have been worried that these projects, sort of my life work, would quietly disappear from the internet when I am no longer around. That would be a shame. I have put a lot of effort in these projects. And while they might one day no longer be relevant, that day is not today, nor tomorrow. I tried to make sure that this content remains available even after my death.

Several months ago, I reached out to my good friend, Grant Fritchey. He has then, together with another friend, Steve Jones, talked to the people over at Redgate to ask if they were willing to help. And they were.

Redgate has promised me that they will make sure that my content will be preserved for as long as it is relevant.

I hope that the transition will go seamlessly. If there are some glitches along the way, then please do not get upset. I’m sure that the Redgate folks will work hard to fix those things.

At this time, all content is still under my control though. So if you experience any problems at this time, blame it on me!

Future?

I have no idea what the future will bring. Well, except for those two things that we can all be sure of: death and taxes. And one of those is now a bit more immediate for me.

But I don’t know when it will happen, nor how much work I’ll be able to do until that time. There might be more updates to the Execution Plan Reference, if I run across new information. There might be more blog posts, technical or non-technical. There might even be more videos, although that is unlikely, given the long production time before I can release even a short video. But who knows?

And then one day, there will be an announcement here on my blog that I have passed away. After that, Redgate will put things into motion to preserve my content for the future, at least for as long as it is still relevant. (Which in the case of execution plans can be very long, because I don’t believe that AI will ever make knowledge of execution plans irrelevant. Only the demise of SQL Server would).

Life lessons

Over the past months, I have been tossed back and forth between hope and despair. A lot. So it is natural that I also have been thinking about the life I lived, the choices I made, and the regrets along the way.

One thing that made me very happy is the realization that I have no major regrets. There are of course a lot of places I would love to visit again. Lots of friends I would really want to visit again. Conferences I would love to speak at again. But note that five-letter word at the end of each sentence. There have been no major things I turned down. When I was invited to travel somewhere, I said yes, and I visited. Alone, or, in the last years, with my wife. I never put my friends on hold. I always prioritized doing the things I loved. So while my mind does at this time obviously sometimes wander to things I would want to do, they are never missed opportunities, but simply opportunities I didn’t have yet. And I can then very quickly redirect my mind to the hundreds of things that I did get to do.

I can talk about conferences I went to. Restaurants I enjoyed. Places all over the world that I visited, sometimes with my wife, sometimes on my own. But the most important is always the people.

And perhaps the most important lesson that I have always lived my life by is this one. It is easy to be kind. It is even easier to just not be an asshole. Respect people. Understand that, even when they might make different choices in their lives, they are still just as important to their friends and families as you are to yours.

Be kind to people. At least until they prove that they don’t deserve it. Being kind costs you nothing. In many cases, putting in a bit extra effort beyond nothing can really help people. For instance by just listening to them. By asking them how you can help. Little things can have a big impact.

My life is, or will soon be, over. Looking back, there is nobody that I need to make amends to. Nothing I messed up and still have to apologize for. Not because I never messed up, but because I always instantly apologized as soon as I realized my fault. No wrongs that I need to right.

My life motto has always been “enjoy your life to the fullest, but in such a way that you don’t get in the way of others enjoying their life to the fullest”. Looking back, I’m pretty sure that I have done exactly that, most of the time.

I do regret that I will never meet my grandchildren. But that is just what it is. Life is unfair, and everyone who tries to tell you differently is a liar. I also regret that I don’t have the time to finish the SQLServerFast Execution Plan Video Training. But looking at that from another angle, I am very proud of the parts that I did finish, and I am sure that my hard work has helped many people to get better at working with execution plans. And I am very happy that Redgate will ensure that this won’t stop.

But most of all, I am very happy with all the great friends I made in the community, and at all the love I have received from everyone in the SQL Server family. All of you will always remain in my heart.